Two Young Deaths, Two Different Circumstances

As you may have noticed I have taken the summer off from blogging. However events during the past couple of weeks have changed all of that and I am now compelled to return to my blog to vent. In the serenity prayer we pray for "the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I cannot change the fact that I did a memorial service today for two men who died too young and I know that it is not within my power to change that. However, if God is willing, I may be able to change the way we understand such unexpected events.

I received a call from someone at Recovery Worship that one of our folks, Tony, passed away un-expectedly in Minneapolis a week ago. Tony was a regular at Recovery Worship, his smile lit up the room anytime he walked into the room. A few months ago Tony took a job at a local home improvement store and the job required him to work on Sunday mornings. Whenever Sandy and I visited the store we looked for Tony. Once again we would always be greeted with a smile, a hug, and a question, "How are my friends at Recovery?" We would chat and then Tony would walk us to the counter and give us his employee discount. We will miss his smile, his sense of humor, his strong faith in his Lord, his story of Recovery, and yes, the 10% discount.

Last Sunday, while on vacation in St. Paul I got an early morning call informing me that Jeff, a man who has been struggling with his addiction to alcohol, had committed suicide in the graveyard adjacent to his home church in rural Minnesota. I knew Jeff had gotten arrested for a DUI back over the 4^th of July and he had not been in church recently but I did not know things had gotten to the point that they had. Jeff, a retired Army officer was frustrated with life: he couldn't get a job and he couldn't kick his habit. I understand the frustration, one day you are a Major in the Army, the next day you can't get a job making pizza because you are "over qualified." Jeff kept looking for fastballs and life kept throwing him curves.

Tony died un-expectantly from a heart attack, as tragic as that is ministering in such a situation is pretty easy. Jeff died of suicide and there is nothing that is ever easy about ministry under such circumstances. I was honored that the family asked me to lead the prayer service the night before the funeral, and to speak again at the funeral. I asked them to remember Jeff for his love of life and his love of family and not to remember him simply for how he died.

The pastor, a Lutheran and a person in recovery followed up my little talk with announcing that suicide is a sin. Uffda, I am not so sure anymore, and I am not so sure that is true in every circumstance. I also asked myself that while that may be true, is it good pastoral care to proclaim that from the pulpit? I did not know Jeff well but I do not believe he would have committed suicide if he had not have been an out of control alcoholic. Jeff's cause of death should be blamed on his disease of Alcoholism and not by suicide. If Jeff had been able to work the program and find recovery he would be alive today, but he didn't and he's not and I cannot change that. If a person can be loved sober, he would be alive today. His family and friends loved him very much. If a person can be prayed sober he would be alive today, a lot of people were praying that he would find sobriety.

Two young deaths, two different circumstances, one was pretty much unavoidable, the second, well as much as we would like to think it was unavoidable in the end I am not so sure. The Big Book of AA says that some people will never find a way to recovery, and it says that the disease of alcoholism is "cunning and baffling." This week we have experienced the cunning and the baffling side of alcoholism.