Addiction Right Between the Eyes

Last Tuesday night I was sitting in my office talking with a friend and getting ready to head for the Trustee's Meeting. Suddenly my cell phone beeped to inform me I had received a text message. I opened my phone and it was from Sandy, "Go online and Google Pastor Bill Bendert." I closed my phone and headed out the door. Pastor Bill presided at our wedding twenty years ago in Memphis, preached at my ordination in Ohio in 2000 and we have visited occasionally over the years and we have stayed in touch via Face Book and email. I wondered what had happened, if it was serious Sandy would have called me, maybe he had taken a call to Fargo or maybe he was elected Bishop.

Following the meeting, I was sitting behind my desk and my phone beeped again, "Have you Goggled Bill?" another text from Sandy. I got on line and Goggled the name and suddenly was thrown into disbelief, "Pastor Bill Bendert arrested for solicitation of an 11 year Old" was the first hit. Following this hit were similar headlines from news outlets in Michigan, Ohio, and even national websites like The Smoking Gun.

As I read the FBI report of the investigation, my stomach was tied into knots. This is the pastor who married us, baptized Martha, sat in our living room and played games with us, as I read the quotes from the AOL chat room between Bill and the FBI agent I could hear Bills voice. The conversation between Bill and the FBI agent posing as the mother of an eleven-year-old girl and the things he would do to both of them if they wanted. I have read other such conversations, but I know the person speaking these words, this is not some demented creep this is my friend. When I finished reading the fourteen-page report I felt dirty, I needed a shower.

I have been working with people in addiction for three years but this is the first time I just didn't know what to do, it has taken a while to sink in; both Sandy and I have been feeling the same thing. We thought about his wife and college age daughter. What was Bill thinking? How could this have happened? All the questions I have always thought I had the answers to ran through my mind but the answer just was not to be found. It was not until this morning as I was sharing this story with the Saturday morning Recovery meeting here at the church that the answer came to me, via one of the other folks around the table. "Why not Bill!"

What makes Bill different from anyone else with a Sexual Addiction? Does the fact that he is a pastor make him impervious to addiction? Does the fact that he is a friend of mine make it anymore unthinkable that he would do such a thing impossible? No on both accounts, that doesn't matter. When addiction strikes, it does not matter whom a person's friends are or what their occupation is, it hurts the people most directly impacted by the addiction.

It can happen to any of us, even if not especially, us pastors. As I write this week's blog I am alone in my office here at the church. I spend a lot of time here by myself on line, taking more breaks then I probably want to admit to check my email, Face Book page, Drudge Report and other sites. I am only one click away from all the porn I would ever want to look at, and only one click away from an inappropriate conversation on some chat page.

Sexual Addiction (in all of its forms) is a huge problem in the church…..all churches. I am not sure the church is doing everything it can to prevent it. It is getting a lot of experience in cleaning up the mess after it has been made public. Bill is not a pervert, putting that label on the addiction is too easy and doesn't address the problem. Bill is one of many sex addicts in our society. I wonder if he feels relieved that he got caught, many of them do. I hope he admits that he has a problem; that is the first step, on the long road to recovery.