Pitching my tent.

It has been forever since I last posted on this blog site.  As a matter of fact, with things as busy as they have been, I have forgotten I even had this blog. The other day I got some feedback from a blog I had written a couple of years ago, I was surprised, yet thankful that this kind person had taken the time to first read my blog, and second to send me a nice comment.  Well so, here I am, once again sitting on the  couch, dog in my lap, laptop resting on his back, giving it another go.

I am still working on this Sunday's sermon.  Hard to get into it this week, I know the attendance will be low this week.  The North Dakota State Round-up (an annual statewide event that any AA member worth their recovery will be attending this weekend here in Fargo) is going on this weekend and most of my folks will be attending.  So I have been kind of contemplating my change of call that took place this summer and where I have chosen to pitch my tent for the foreseeable future in my call to Recovery Worship.

Over the summer I resigned my position as the Director of Lost and Found Ministry in Moorhead in order to serve Recovery Worship full time.  Don't really remember exactly when this happened, seems like years ago but it wasn't.  There are things I miss about working at LFM.  What a ministry, the folks of Trinity Lutheran Church in Moorhead should be proud.  Having worked there for over five years I am not sure they truly understand the valuable service that ministry provides our area.  I was called to LFM on a 25%/75% bases and anyone who works such a setup knows what that means.  RW now desires and requires a full time pastor, and LFM requires a more than 25% director.  So I pulled up stakes and pitched my tent at RW.

So anyway, watch this spot I hope to get back to blogging as often as I can.

The Night I Met God @ AA

There is a lot of talk about heaven and hell right now and I guess that is a good thing at the start of Holy Week. Rob Bell is the topic of the cover article of this weeks Time magazine, he has a new book out exploring old ideas about heaven and hell that will get the Evangelical all hot and bothered. I agree with most of what Bell has written, it isn’t all that new but seldom discussed and certainly rarely preached by any pastor who wishes to keep his/her job. Within the Christian tradition there has always been the desire to keep God far off in a heaven beyond the stars. Unreachable, all knowing and seeing, a God who lives in a heaven with streets of gold and 24/7 worship, a place that, by the churches standards few of us will ever see. On the other hand, hell is that place under the earth where there is tormenting and gnashing of teeth and will be the everlasting home for those who do not “accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior” like Jews, Muslims, Democrats and pretty much everyone else. However, and don’t you just love howevers, I think Christian tradition is wrong. Heaven and hell are right here, right now. How do I know this, because God told me. Yep that is right, God, the Almighty, Powerful and everlasting God the Mother and Father of creation. God didn’t appear to me as a burning bush, didn’t engage me in a wrestling match on the banks of the Red River, God came to me, and spoke to me at an AA meeting the other night. Sandy and I were invited to an AA meeting where Max, a friend who attends Recovery Worship, was receiving his four year medallion. He was going to tell his story and wanted us to be there. Through Max, God told me about hell. Max grew up on an Indian reservation here in North Dakota. His mother was Native American his father was white. He talked about life and how he would regularly get beaten up by white kids because he was Indian, and beaten up by Indians because he was white. He talked about the hell of becoming an alcoholic while in high school and how his drinking cost him the possibility of playing basketball at UCLA. He told us about how his drinking kept him in constant trouble with the law and ruined his marriage and almost cost him his children. He then talked to us about his recovery and how AA has saved his life. As he was telling his story I noticed that his sixteen year old daughter Demi was there, and I could see how difficult this was for Max. After Max was done Demi went up front to present her Dad with his medallion. Then, suddenly God spoke to me through Demi and told me all about heaven. There were probably one-hundred people in that room and by the time she was done there was not a dry eye in the house. Through Demi God spoke words of love; love for a father who has changed in so many ways. Demi’s words describe a Dad who is now sober and who is now there for her when she needs him, who loves her unconditionally, who is a role model for her. Despite the inevitable divorce she told of how her dad has worked hard to keep the family united and functional. Demi talked about wanting to grow up to be just like him and how she wants to be the very best she can be because of him. Some people like to talk about the war between good and evil. Well, good wins, always does, always will. Evil will win its occasional battle but good will always win in the end (just read the end of Revelation!) In Max and Demi’s case, heaven wins! They are the miracle of recovery; they are what keeps me going when the burdens of ministry become heavy. Nothing fillls my heart with more promise for those struggling in the program then looking out on Sunday morning and seeing Max and his daughters Demi and Megan sitting in worship together, God is good! You want to learn about hell, you want to experience heaven; you want to meet God face to face? Go to an AA meeting or come and visit Recovery Worship.

Living in the midst of Reformation

It is an interesting time to be “church.” Some say denominationalism is dead. While I serve a worshiping community that does not consider itself a denomination we probably would not exist today if it wasn’t for the ELCA, so I would disagree with the theory that denominationalism is dead. Some denominations act as if they are dead, or dying, or simply running in place, as they have been for centuries. They view the world through the eyes of those Patriarcle Fathers who lived in a time and a place much different from where we are today. We Lutherans are as guilty of this as other denominations. Many in Lutheran Church today quote Luther as if he lived next door. Luther lived in Germany in the 1500’s when the Pope ruled supreme over Europe and few questioned his leadership and survived. What Luther and other scholars of his day knew of the Bible, the culture of first century Palestine, even the Greek and Hebrew language was different from what scholars know today. Yet, we hold on to every word that Luther wrote as if God himself spoke it. Before you email the Bishop and demand that he withdraw my Ordination papers don’t get me wrong, Luther is important but I think we need to set some of his writings are from a different time and place and their relevance to us today in 2011 needs to be reviewed. I think the church is in the midst of a reformation. The Episcopalians in the USA were first, along with one or two other protestant denominations. We ELCA Lutherans took the plunge at the last Churchwide assembly. I am speaking now of issues far wider than sexuality, I am talking about what it means to be church. By the simple act of ordaining homosexuals in a committed relationship, we have set ourselves free to be church. Sure, we have seen a relatively small number of congregations leave, and that is ok, for them, and for us. We live in a time of some great scholars who are very different, from N.T. Wright to Rob Bell. They challenge us to think, something rarely seen in some denominations. Bell especially challenges us to rethink scriptures, not in some modern New Age way but by doing something that people who say they read the Bible literally don’t, reading it as a whole and not picking one or two passages and building a fortress church around those words. He, along with N.T. Wright wants us to stop using the Bible as a weapon in the grand war between good and evil. Read Revelation, God wins! Love Wins! The church of the future will be the church with the largest capacity to love. In a hundred years, I believe people will look back at the church of today and see the reformation that is happening. Those denominations that are brave enough to change will thrive.

God Takes a Mulligan

There are a couple places in the Bible where God shows regret. In 1 Samuel 15 God says “I regret that I made Saul King.” Saul had turned his back on God and had not worked out so well at being King, so God had David anointed king while Saul was still on the throne, thus beginning one of the more interesting stories of the Bible. Earlier in scripture God shows regret. In Genesis 6:6 God we read, “And the LORD was sorry that he had made humankind on the earth, and it grieved God to his heart.” It is comforting to me that we have a God that has been God enough to take a “do-over” we golfers would call it a “mulligan”.
Can we be bold enough or comfortable enough with our God to say that God made a mistake? God’s plan for creation was not flawed, God had high hopes for Adam and Eve but they blew it, and over time God had had enough so God contacted Noah who builds an Ark and the rains came and you know the rest of the story. If God is an all knowing, omnipresent, super deity how could this have happened? If God is all knowing, (God is) God should have known from the start that Saul would make a rotten king and so the mess with David could have been avoided. Wasn’t God paying attention? Had God taken his eye off the ball? As a friend at Recovery Worship said, “maybe God relapsed.”
Knowing that we have a God who has not always had plans work out the way that God had intended is pretty good news for us, his creation. We have made decisions, done things, hurt people, and simply screwed up and because of the cross we are given a mulligan. “Nothing separates us from the love that is in Christ Jesus” we hear Paul say in Romans 8, great news. The Grace of God knows no limits, we simply need to repent…..and try to do better the next time.
Every Sunday when we take that long pause during the confession to open ourselves up to God we begin the journey of forgiveness. When we hear the words of absolution it is like we just walked over and picked up the ball and put it back on the tee for another try at life. We know that we will try harder, keep our head down, eye on the ball, slow our swing and hope for a better effort the second, and third, and forth swing at life. Grace is such a great gift isn’t it?!?!

Merry Recovery Christmas

Sometimes I forget how important people in recovery take the slogan "One Day at a Time." This past Sunday, the first Sunday after Christmas, I posed the question, "What is your favorite Christmas memory." About two answers in, I suddenly realized I had done it again. Past Christmases for many of the people in recovery are full of pain. Christmas spent in addiction, family separation, divorce, lost opportunities and pain. Several of us at Recovery Worship have lost parents this past year, one man learned on Christmas Eve that his estranged wife had died suddenly of a heart attack earlier in the day.

I heard all of these emotions as people stood up to tell their story, the stories full of pain were often ended with the same line, "but I am sober today and that is what is important." They spoke that living a life in recovery has turned sad memories of Christmases past into happy memories of Christmas this year. One of the last people to tell their story was a man who has only been to Recovery Worship a few times.

"My favorite Christmas story" he said, "is this Christmas. This is the first Christmas in thirty years that I have been sober on Christmas Day." He is still in treatment but you could hear the hope in his voice. This time, this Christmas, he was going to make it, the rest of today he will be sober, he will worry about being sober tomorrow…..tomorrow. Those Christmas's spent in addiction are in the past, in recovery he has been given a "do over" and he plans on making it work today!

We all have the right for a "do over" after all; God got a "do over" after Noah and the flood didn't he/she! That will be the topic this coming Sunday as we have a Service of Healing and New Beginnings on the first Sunday of the new year.

Addiction Right Between the Eyes

Last Tuesday night I was sitting in my office talking with a friend and getting ready to head for the Trustee's Meeting. Suddenly my cell phone beeped to inform me I had received a text message. I opened my phone and it was from Sandy, "Go online and Google Pastor Bill Bendert." I closed my phone and headed out the door. Pastor Bill presided at our wedding twenty years ago in Memphis, preached at my ordination in Ohio in 2000 and we have visited occasionally over the years and we have stayed in touch via Face Book and email. I wondered what had happened, if it was serious Sandy would have called me, maybe he had taken a call to Fargo or maybe he was elected Bishop.

Following the meeting, I was sitting behind my desk and my phone beeped again, "Have you Goggled Bill?" another text from Sandy. I got on line and Goggled the name and suddenly was thrown into disbelief, "Pastor Bill Bendert arrested for solicitation of an 11 year Old" was the first hit. Following this hit were similar headlines from news outlets in Michigan, Ohio, and even national websites like The Smoking Gun.

As I read the FBI report of the investigation, my stomach was tied into knots. This is the pastor who married us, baptized Martha, sat in our living room and played games with us, as I read the quotes from the AOL chat room between Bill and the FBI agent I could hear Bills voice. The conversation between Bill and the FBI agent posing as the mother of an eleven-year-old girl and the things he would do to both of them if they wanted. I have read other such conversations, but I know the person speaking these words, this is not some demented creep this is my friend. When I finished reading the fourteen-page report I felt dirty, I needed a shower.

I have been working with people in addiction for three years but this is the first time I just didn't know what to do, it has taken a while to sink in; both Sandy and I have been feeling the same thing. We thought about his wife and college age daughter. What was Bill thinking? How could this have happened? All the questions I have always thought I had the answers to ran through my mind but the answer just was not to be found. It was not until this morning as I was sharing this story with the Saturday morning Recovery meeting here at the church that the answer came to me, via one of the other folks around the table. "Why not Bill!"

What makes Bill different from anyone else with a Sexual Addiction? Does the fact that he is a pastor make him impervious to addiction? Does the fact that he is a friend of mine make it anymore unthinkable that he would do such a thing impossible? No on both accounts, that doesn't matter. When addiction strikes, it does not matter whom a person's friends are or what their occupation is, it hurts the people most directly impacted by the addiction.

It can happen to any of us, even if not especially, us pastors. As I write this week's blog I am alone in my office here at the church. I spend a lot of time here by myself on line, taking more breaks then I probably want to admit to check my email, Face Book page, Drudge Report and other sites. I am only one click away from all the porn I would ever want to look at, and only one click away from an inappropriate conversation on some chat page.

Sexual Addiction (in all of its forms) is a huge problem in the church…..all churches. I am not sure the church is doing everything it can to prevent it. It is getting a lot of experience in cleaning up the mess after it has been made public. Bill is not a pervert, putting that label on the addiction is too easy and doesn't address the problem. Bill is one of many sex addicts in our society. I wonder if he feels relieved that he got caught, many of them do. I hope he admits that he has a problem; that is the first step, on the long road to recovery.

 

On the Cover of Pretty Good Lutheran

Years ago, one of my favorite musical groups was Captain Hook and the Medicine Show. In prep for this blog, I visited some websites and the memories really startled flowing. Song’s like “Soup Stone,” “Freaker’s Ball” and “Cover of the Rolling Stone” a gimmick song that was probably intended to do just what they wanted, get their picture on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.
There are only two blogs that I regularly follow, “Spirit of a Liberal” and “Pretty Good Lutheran” both sites deal with issues within the church. You can imagine my surprise when a few weeks ago I saw my name on the “Blog of the Day” area of Pretty Good Lutheran. Every day they have a selection of Blogs posted on their front page. Mostly pastors who tend to think a bit too much, occasionally a Bishop who always think they have something important to say, people I would not normally hang with unless it was either mandatory or they were buying. At first I thought about the old saying, “keep you mouth shut and have people think your foolish, or open you mouth and leave them with no doubt that your are foolish” ran through my mind. Then I thought, “Hey….this is really pretty cool.” I felt a little like Dr. Hook getting his picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone. Maybe it was a slow news day around the ELCA, I did notice that they didn’t use the picture of Martha and me doing our “Captain Morgan” pose, instead they used a silly stick figure, hardly an accurate representation of me.
So with my apologies to Dr. Hook, my mind started playing with new lyrics for his song.

Well I’m a Recovery Worship pastor, I’ve got golden fingers
And I’m tolerated everywhere I go
I preach about recovery and we preach about truth
At ten o’clock every Sunday or so
I try all kind of frills that give them all kind of thrills
But the thrill I’ll never known
Is the thrill that'll get me when I get my picture
On the cover of the Pretty Good Lutheran

Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna see my picture on the cover
Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna buy five copies for my mother
Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna see my smilin' face
On the cover of the Pretty Good Lutheran


I got a lot of little AA blue-eyed groupies
Who do anything I say
I got a genuine Recovery Bible
That’s teachin' me better way
I got all the friends that money can buy
So I never have to be alone
And I keep gettin' fatter but I can't get my picture
On the cover of the Pretty Good Lutheran.

Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna see my picture on the cover
Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna buy five copies for my mother
Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna see my smilin' face
On the cover of the Pretty Good Lutheran

If this works maybe I will shoot for the Lutheran magazine!!!

See you next week

PS. As of September 10 "Pretty Good Lutheran" is no more :(. So much for my dream of 15 min of fame. Thanks for all the good reads Susan. I hope this post didn't play a role in your decision!