Making the Old New

The events of this past week have put a cloud over this years Christmas festivities.  As I watched TV last night the lights on the Christmas tree seemed a little bit dimmer, I longed to hold my adult children, I prayed for my grandchildren.  I wondered why it is easier to buy an semi-automatic weapon then it is to get an appointment to see a mental health professional.  I have never owned a gun but have always been a supporter of the Second Amendment, however I wonder if our founding fathers had the Bushmaster 2 (the weapon used in the recent school shooting) in mind when they wrote the Bill of Rights.

I am also reminded that part of the Christmas story that is always left out of the children's Christmas program is the story of the killing of the innocent children by a tyrant King on the rumor that a King had been born in Bethlehem.  I have always struggled with this part of the Christmas legend.  Why would a loving God who came into the world in the form of a baby allow the deaths of innocent children.  Where was the legendary angel Michael, God's warrior angel? Why didn't God send ol' worrier Mike down to defend the innocent boys of Bethlehem?  God sent an angel down to warn Joseph to get Mary and the baby Jesus out of town.   No, as the story goes, he didn't, humans sinned, innocents died.  My hope has always been that this part of the story is a literary tool by the author to link Jesus with Moses and the Passover and the death of the first born children of Egypt.  

We are reminded this Sunday in the reading from the book of Hebrews that Jesus came to make all things new. The author of Hebrews looks at the past to see the future.  Once upon a time God required sacrifice as a sign of out obedience.  At Christmas we begin a journey that will lead to the cross.  The legend of the manger, Wise Men, shepherds and their flocks by night,  will lead to the reality of the cross, the singing of Silent Night, Holy Night will lead to O Sacred Head Now Wounded.  During these difficult days that seem to take on mythical proportions we needed to also be reminded the sacrifice of the cross, and that the singing of O Sacred Head Now Wounded will change, as if in flash of light to, Christ the Lord is Risen Today.  From the myth of Christmas to the reality of the empty tomb, in Christ all things are made new. 

Biting the Hand that Feeds You

A few Sundays ago we had a woman in church that only seems to come when she needs something.  Help with the rent, gas money, you name the need and she has needed it; when things are going ok we don’t see her.  During the “Time for Sharing” she stood up and said, “I don’t believe in ‘organized religion’ anymore, all they talk about is money.”  I find this to be an interesting comment from someone who turns to the church when she needs help.  True, Recovery Worship is far from organized but anyway, you get the picture.

My question to her, and I plan on addressing this question in an up-coming sermon is: “Why do we expect church to be free?”  When we go out to eat we expect to give the owner of the restaurant money in exchange for the food we receive.  Does she expect her waiter to work for free? I am sure when this woman buys a pack of cigarettes she doesn’t complain about the American Tobacco Company or Stop & Go for taking her hard earned (or given) money.   Yes, there is an exchange of goods and services in these two examples, but there is an exchange of services in what we give to God through the church.

In this woman’s case it is help with her recovery, but she also hears God’s Word preached and God’s grace “poured out for you” in the Sacraments.  I am reminded of the woman I met in Kenya who gave a bag of cow dong as her offering.  It seemed strange to me at the time but as a Kenyan pastor told me, it was a day wage for her.  She was a widow who lived on the edge of the village and her only income was the milk she was able to squeeze from her skinny cow and the manure that the cow also produced.  I wonder, is church worth the cost of a pack of cigarettes to the lady at Recovery Worship, apparently not based on her comment.

I believe that we get what we give.  I have a ton of personal stories to prove my theory, stories that I would have written off as “pastoral imagination” when I was sitting in the pew, but I know today that it is true.  When we give we open ourselves up to seeing God’s work in our lives.  

Pastor Ray

From the "More Things Change....." Dept.

My son Allen sent this to me, he is attending University of Southern Mississippi, working on his Masters in History.

I found this description of a church in colonial Virginia during the 1680s. Reminded me of Recovery Worship:

"It was, however, the face-to-face contact at services that was socially important, a necessary addition to lives lived in the neighborhoods. A traveler in the mid-1680s set the scene for us: A graying frame building in the woods, as dilapidated as the houses, with an array of plank benches surrounding it; the families straggling in, some on foot, some riding, striking up conversations with each other. What struck the traveler most was the smoking. 'When everyone has arrived the minister and all the other smoke before going in. The preaching over, they do the same thing before parting. The have seats for that purpose. It was here I saw that everybody smokes, men women, girls, and boys from the age of seven years.' What most strikes us is the social scene. Ninety years later the church might be brick, by the scene itself might be exactly the same, another visitor writing of 'the three grand divisions of time at the Church on Sundays, Viz., before Service giving and receiving letters of business, reading Advertisements [on the Church door], consulting about the price of Tobacco, Grain etc. and settling either the lineage, Age, or qualities of favourite Horses [the equivalent to talking football today]. . . . In the Church at Service, prayrs read over in haste, a Sermon seldom under and never over twenty minutes, but always made up of sound morality. . . . After Service is over three quarters of an hour [are] spent in strolling round the Church among the Crowd.'"

There is also an account of the failed attempt to form a three-point church co-op. The parishes shared a rotating staff of three clergymen, all Anglican, and ended up developing tensions because of jealousy and territorialism. The Middle Church was the oldest, wealthiest, and the largest. The business of the co-op was carried out at the Middle Church, but the other two churches began conducting meetings on their own. In time, the smaller churches made theological decisions in "rump vestries" without the Middle Church's representatives. The Middle Church ignored these decisions and allowed the North and South Churches to do their own thing. Of course, these smaller churches couldn't afford to support pastors, so they went years without having communion. The Great Awakening changed a lot of this since it allowed them to essentially elect pastors from their own congregation, whose salary was supplemented by almost unrestricted power and social status withing the community. Ultimately, the Middle Church was the only one to survive because it remained linked to the wider community of Anglican Churches, which supported when the area was financially devastated by aging demographics,wars, and economic downturns.

The social interaction is the primary reason many people attend RW each Sunday. How many Fargo churches have people drive 75 miles to church on Sunday morning.  "We need to see our friends who understand our problems...." (couple from Valley City, ND)

Pitching my tent.

It has been forever since I last posted on this blog site.  As a matter of fact, with things as busy as they have been, I have forgotten I even had this blog. The other day I got some feedback from a blog I had written a couple of years ago, I was surprised, yet thankful that this kind person had taken the time to first read my blog, and second to send me a nice comment.  Well so, here I am, once again sitting on the  couch, dog in my lap, laptop resting on his back, giving it another go.

I am still working on this Sunday's sermon.  Hard to get into it this week, I know the attendance will be low this week.  The North Dakota State Round-up (an annual statewide event that any AA member worth their recovery will be attending this weekend here in Fargo) is going on this weekend and most of my folks will be attending.  So I have been kind of contemplating my change of call that took place this summer and where I have chosen to pitch my tent for the foreseeable future in my call to Recovery Worship.

Over the summer I resigned my position as the Director of Lost and Found Ministry in Moorhead in order to serve Recovery Worship full time.  Don't really remember exactly when this happened, seems like years ago but it wasn't.  There are things I miss about working at LFM.  What a ministry, the folks of Trinity Lutheran Church in Moorhead should be proud.  Having worked there for over five years I am not sure they truly understand the valuable service that ministry provides our area.  I was called to LFM on a 25%/75% bases and anyone who works such a setup knows what that means.  RW now desires and requires a full time pastor, and LFM requires a more than 25% director.  So I pulled up stakes and pitched my tent at RW.

So anyway, watch this spot I hope to get back to blogging as often as I can.

The Night I Met God @ AA

There is a lot of talk about heaven and hell right now and I guess that is a good thing at the start of Holy Week. Rob Bell is the topic of the cover article of this weeks Time magazine, he has a new book out exploring old ideas about heaven and hell that will get the Evangelical all hot and bothered. I agree with most of what Bell has written, it isn’t all that new but seldom discussed and certainly rarely preached by any pastor who wishes to keep his/her job. Within the Christian tradition there has always been the desire to keep God far off in a heaven beyond the stars. Unreachable, all knowing and seeing, a God who lives in a heaven with streets of gold and 24/7 worship, a place that, by the churches standards few of us will ever see. On the other hand, hell is that place under the earth where there is tormenting and gnashing of teeth and will be the everlasting home for those who do not “accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior” like Jews, Muslims, Democrats and pretty much everyone else. However, and don’t you just love howevers, I think Christian tradition is wrong. Heaven and hell are right here, right now. How do I know this, because God told me. Yep that is right, God, the Almighty, Powerful and everlasting God the Mother and Father of creation. God didn’t appear to me as a burning bush, didn’t engage me in a wrestling match on the banks of the Red River, God came to me, and spoke to me at an AA meeting the other night. Sandy and I were invited to an AA meeting where Max, a friend who attends Recovery Worship, was receiving his four year medallion. He was going to tell his story and wanted us to be there. Through Max, God told me about hell. Max grew up on an Indian reservation here in North Dakota. His mother was Native American his father was white. He talked about life and how he would regularly get beaten up by white kids because he was Indian, and beaten up by Indians because he was white. He talked about the hell of becoming an alcoholic while in high school and how his drinking cost him the possibility of playing basketball at UCLA. He told us about how his drinking kept him in constant trouble with the law and ruined his marriage and almost cost him his children. He then talked to us about his recovery and how AA has saved his life. As he was telling his story I noticed that his sixteen year old daughter Demi was there, and I could see how difficult this was for Max. After Max was done Demi went up front to present her Dad with his medallion. Then, suddenly God spoke to me through Demi and told me all about heaven. There were probably one-hundred people in that room and by the time she was done there was not a dry eye in the house. Through Demi God spoke words of love; love for a father who has changed in so many ways. Demi’s words describe a Dad who is now sober and who is now there for her when she needs him, who loves her unconditionally, who is a role model for her. Despite the inevitable divorce she told of how her dad has worked hard to keep the family united and functional. Demi talked about wanting to grow up to be just like him and how she wants to be the very best she can be because of him. Some people like to talk about the war between good and evil. Well, good wins, always does, always will. Evil will win its occasional battle but good will always win in the end (just read the end of Revelation!) In Max and Demi’s case, heaven wins! They are the miracle of recovery; they are what keeps me going when the burdens of ministry become heavy. Nothing fillls my heart with more promise for those struggling in the program then looking out on Sunday morning and seeing Max and his daughters Demi and Megan sitting in worship together, God is good! You want to learn about hell, you want to experience heaven; you want to meet God face to face? Go to an AA meeting or come and visit Recovery Worship.

Living in the midst of Reformation

It is an interesting time to be “church.” Some say denominationalism is dead. While I serve a worshiping community that does not consider itself a denomination we probably would not exist today if it wasn’t for the ELCA, so I would disagree with the theory that denominationalism is dead. Some denominations act as if they are dead, or dying, or simply running in place, as they have been for centuries. They view the world through the eyes of those Patriarcle Fathers who lived in a time and a place much different from where we are today. We Lutherans are as guilty of this as other denominations. Many in Lutheran Church today quote Luther as if he lived next door. Luther lived in Germany in the 1500’s when the Pope ruled supreme over Europe and few questioned his leadership and survived. What Luther and other scholars of his day knew of the Bible, the culture of first century Palestine, even the Greek and Hebrew language was different from what scholars know today. Yet, we hold on to every word that Luther wrote as if God himself spoke it. Before you email the Bishop and demand that he withdraw my Ordination papers don’t get me wrong, Luther is important but I think we need to set some of his writings are from a different time and place and their relevance to us today in 2011 needs to be reviewed. I think the church is in the midst of a reformation. The Episcopalians in the USA were first, along with one or two other protestant denominations. We ELCA Lutherans took the plunge at the last Churchwide assembly. I am speaking now of issues far wider than sexuality, I am talking about what it means to be church. By the simple act of ordaining homosexuals in a committed relationship, we have set ourselves free to be church. Sure, we have seen a relatively small number of congregations leave, and that is ok, for them, and for us. We live in a time of some great scholars who are very different, from N.T. Wright to Rob Bell. They challenge us to think, something rarely seen in some denominations. Bell especially challenges us to rethink scriptures, not in some modern New Age way but by doing something that people who say they read the Bible literally don’t, reading it as a whole and not picking one or two passages and building a fortress church around those words. He, along with N.T. Wright wants us to stop using the Bible as a weapon in the grand war between good and evil. Read Revelation, God wins! Love Wins! The church of the future will be the church with the largest capacity to love. In a hundred years, I believe people will look back at the church of today and see the reformation that is happening. Those denominations that are brave enough to change will thrive.

God Takes a Mulligan

There are a couple places in the Bible where God shows regret. In 1 Samuel 15 God says “I regret that I made Saul King.” Saul had turned his back on God and had not worked out so well at being King, so God had David anointed king while Saul was still on the throne, thus beginning one of the more interesting stories of the Bible. Earlier in scripture God shows regret. In Genesis 6:6 God we read, “And the LORD was sorry that he had made humankind on the earth, and it grieved God to his heart.” It is comforting to me that we have a God that has been God enough to take a “do-over” we golfers would call it a “mulligan”.
Can we be bold enough or comfortable enough with our God to say that God made a mistake? God’s plan for creation was not flawed, God had high hopes for Adam and Eve but they blew it, and over time God had had enough so God contacted Noah who builds an Ark and the rains came and you know the rest of the story. If God is an all knowing, omnipresent, super deity how could this have happened? If God is all knowing, (God is) God should have known from the start that Saul would make a rotten king and so the mess with David could have been avoided. Wasn’t God paying attention? Had God taken his eye off the ball? As a friend at Recovery Worship said, “maybe God relapsed.”
Knowing that we have a God who has not always had plans work out the way that God had intended is pretty good news for us, his creation. We have made decisions, done things, hurt people, and simply screwed up and because of the cross we are given a mulligan. “Nothing separates us from the love that is in Christ Jesus” we hear Paul say in Romans 8, great news. The Grace of God knows no limits, we simply need to repent…..and try to do better the next time.
Every Sunday when we take that long pause during the confession to open ourselves up to God we begin the journey of forgiveness. When we hear the words of absolution it is like we just walked over and picked up the ball and put it back on the tee for another try at life. We know that we will try harder, keep our head down, eye on the ball, slow our swing and hope for a better effort the second, and third, and forth swing at life. Grace is such a great gift isn’t it?!?!

Merry Recovery Christmas

Sometimes I forget how important people in recovery take the slogan "One Day at a Time." This past Sunday, the first Sunday after Christmas, I posed the question, "What is your favorite Christmas memory." About two answers in, I suddenly realized I had done it again. Past Christmases for many of the people in recovery are full of pain. Christmas spent in addiction, family separation, divorce, lost opportunities and pain. Several of us at Recovery Worship have lost parents this past year, one man learned on Christmas Eve that his estranged wife had died suddenly of a heart attack earlier in the day.

I heard all of these emotions as people stood up to tell their story, the stories full of pain were often ended with the same line, "but I am sober today and that is what is important." They spoke that living a life in recovery has turned sad memories of Christmases past into happy memories of Christmas this year. One of the last people to tell their story was a man who has only been to Recovery Worship a few times.

"My favorite Christmas story" he said, "is this Christmas. This is the first Christmas in thirty years that I have been sober on Christmas Day." He is still in treatment but you could hear the hope in his voice. This time, this Christmas, he was going to make it, the rest of today he will be sober, he will worry about being sober tomorrow…..tomorrow. Those Christmas's spent in addiction are in the past, in recovery he has been given a "do over" and he plans on making it work today!

We all have the right for a "do over" after all; God got a "do over" after Noah and the flood didn't he/she! That will be the topic this coming Sunday as we have a Service of Healing and New Beginnings on the first Sunday of the new year.

Addiction Right Between the Eyes

Last Tuesday night I was sitting in my office talking with a friend and getting ready to head for the Trustee's Meeting. Suddenly my cell phone beeped to inform me I had received a text message. I opened my phone and it was from Sandy, "Go online and Google Pastor Bill Bendert." I closed my phone and headed out the door. Pastor Bill presided at our wedding twenty years ago in Memphis, preached at my ordination in Ohio in 2000 and we have visited occasionally over the years and we have stayed in touch via Face Book and email. I wondered what had happened, if it was serious Sandy would have called me, maybe he had taken a call to Fargo or maybe he was elected Bishop.

Following the meeting, I was sitting behind my desk and my phone beeped again, "Have you Goggled Bill?" another text from Sandy. I got on line and Goggled the name and suddenly was thrown into disbelief, "Pastor Bill Bendert arrested for solicitation of an 11 year Old" was the first hit. Following this hit were similar headlines from news outlets in Michigan, Ohio, and even national websites like The Smoking Gun.

As I read the FBI report of the investigation, my stomach was tied into knots. This is the pastor who married us, baptized Martha, sat in our living room and played games with us, as I read the quotes from the AOL chat room between Bill and the FBI agent I could hear Bills voice. The conversation between Bill and the FBI agent posing as the mother of an eleven-year-old girl and the things he would do to both of them if they wanted. I have read other such conversations, but I know the person speaking these words, this is not some demented creep this is my friend. When I finished reading the fourteen-page report I felt dirty, I needed a shower.

I have been working with people in addiction for three years but this is the first time I just didn't know what to do, it has taken a while to sink in; both Sandy and I have been feeling the same thing. We thought about his wife and college age daughter. What was Bill thinking? How could this have happened? All the questions I have always thought I had the answers to ran through my mind but the answer just was not to be found. It was not until this morning as I was sharing this story with the Saturday morning Recovery meeting here at the church that the answer came to me, via one of the other folks around the table. "Why not Bill!"

What makes Bill different from anyone else with a Sexual Addiction? Does the fact that he is a pastor make him impervious to addiction? Does the fact that he is a friend of mine make it anymore unthinkable that he would do such a thing impossible? No on both accounts, that doesn't matter. When addiction strikes, it does not matter whom a person's friends are or what their occupation is, it hurts the people most directly impacted by the addiction.

It can happen to any of us, even if not especially, us pastors. As I write this week's blog I am alone in my office here at the church. I spend a lot of time here by myself on line, taking more breaks then I probably want to admit to check my email, Face Book page, Drudge Report and other sites. I am only one click away from all the porn I would ever want to look at, and only one click away from an inappropriate conversation on some chat page.

Sexual Addiction (in all of its forms) is a huge problem in the church…..all churches. I am not sure the church is doing everything it can to prevent it. It is getting a lot of experience in cleaning up the mess after it has been made public. Bill is not a pervert, putting that label on the addiction is too easy and doesn't address the problem. Bill is one of many sex addicts in our society. I wonder if he feels relieved that he got caught, many of them do. I hope he admits that he has a problem; that is the first step, on the long road to recovery.

 

On the Cover of Pretty Good Lutheran

Years ago, one of my favorite musical groups was Captain Hook and the Medicine Show. In prep for this blog, I visited some websites and the memories really startled flowing. Song’s like “Soup Stone,” “Freaker’s Ball” and “Cover of the Rolling Stone” a gimmick song that was probably intended to do just what they wanted, get their picture on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.
There are only two blogs that I regularly follow, “Spirit of a Liberal” and “Pretty Good Lutheran” both sites deal with issues within the church. You can imagine my surprise when a few weeks ago I saw my name on the “Blog of the Day” area of Pretty Good Lutheran. Every day they have a selection of Blogs posted on their front page. Mostly pastors who tend to think a bit too much, occasionally a Bishop who always think they have something important to say, people I would not normally hang with unless it was either mandatory or they were buying. At first I thought about the old saying, “keep you mouth shut and have people think your foolish, or open you mouth and leave them with no doubt that your are foolish” ran through my mind. Then I thought, “Hey….this is really pretty cool.” I felt a little like Dr. Hook getting his picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone. Maybe it was a slow news day around the ELCA, I did notice that they didn’t use the picture of Martha and me doing our “Captain Morgan” pose, instead they used a silly stick figure, hardly an accurate representation of me.
So with my apologies to Dr. Hook, my mind started playing with new lyrics for his song.

Well I’m a Recovery Worship pastor, I’ve got golden fingers
And I’m tolerated everywhere I go
I preach about recovery and we preach about truth
At ten o’clock every Sunday or so
I try all kind of frills that give them all kind of thrills
But the thrill I’ll never known
Is the thrill that'll get me when I get my picture
On the cover of the Pretty Good Lutheran

Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna see my picture on the cover
Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna buy five copies for my mother
Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna see my smilin' face
On the cover of the Pretty Good Lutheran


I got a lot of little AA blue-eyed groupies
Who do anything I say
I got a genuine Recovery Bible
That’s teachin' me better way
I got all the friends that money can buy
So I never have to be alone
And I keep gettin' fatter but I can't get my picture
On the cover of the Pretty Good Lutheran.

Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna see my picture on the cover
Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna buy five copies for my mother
Pretty Good Lutheran
Wanna see my smilin' face
On the cover of the Pretty Good Lutheran

If this works maybe I will shoot for the Lutheran magazine!!!

See you next week

PS. As of September 10 "Pretty Good Lutheran" is no more :(. So much for my dream of 15 min of fame. Thanks for all the good reads Susan. I hope this post didn't play a role in your decision!

Rainbows and Butterflies

I am often asked by people unfamiliar with the ministry of Recovery Worship why we have a "rainbow cross" on our webpage. "Are you a gay ministry" I am asked. Well, when I told this to one of my folks here at Recovery Worship his response was "Well, yes, we are a bunch of really happy people."

Following the flood God said Noah, 'This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: I have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth.' Following the death of all living things on the earth, except Noah, his family, and his flouting zoo, God promised that He/She would never do it again, at least with water. From near total death and destruction, God gave us another chance, following the flood the world was a new creation.

We also like to use butterfly imagery here at Recovery Worship, one of the graphics we use is a rainbow colored butterfly. For a butterfly to live, something has to die, in the case of the butterfly it is a caterpillar. Now I am not a butterfly expert so I am not sure exactly how it happened (I didn't pay much attention in 4^th grade science class) but a caterpillar has to wrap itself up into a cocoon and die, from this death a butterfly is born.

To be born anew is a wonderful experience. When I hear people talk of their recovery I am reminded of the conversations I have had with people who have had "near death" experiences. They feel they have been given a second chance in life, they view life differently; they feel that they are a new creation in their recovery. In their addiction they have experience hell on earth, in their recovery they still have difficulties but they now have a new way of handling those difficulties. For them, being a new creation means more than simply not using, drinking, or acting out their addiction. Some would use the term "born again" well if that is works for you that is fine but it carries a heavy fundamentalist tone that we avoid here at Recovery.

However, in defense of the idea of being "born again" it isn't really the same. As the Big Book of AA states, recovery is a program of "Spiritual growth, not Spiritual perfection." You can say all day long that you are in recovery but if you have not fundamentally changed your life from your pre-recovery life you are only fooling yourself. If you say you are born again, yet you continue to live your as you did in your prior life, well you are only fooling yourself.

We will never be perfect in our spiritual life, in our recovery life, or in our Christian life, but in all of this we are a New Creation!

See you next Sunday

Two Young Deaths, Two Different Circumstances

As you may have noticed I have taken the summer off from blogging. However events during the past couple of weeks have changed all of that and I am now compelled to return to my blog to vent. In the serenity prayer we pray for "the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I cannot change the fact that I did a memorial service today for two men who died too young and I know that it is not within my power to change that. However, if God is willing, I may be able to change the way we understand such unexpected events.

I received a call from someone at Recovery Worship that one of our folks, Tony, passed away un-expectedly in Minneapolis a week ago. Tony was a regular at Recovery Worship, his smile lit up the room anytime he walked into the room. A few months ago Tony took a job at a local home improvement store and the job required him to work on Sunday mornings. Whenever Sandy and I visited the store we looked for Tony. Once again we would always be greeted with a smile, a hug, and a question, "How are my friends at Recovery?" We would chat and then Tony would walk us to the counter and give us his employee discount. We will miss his smile, his sense of humor, his strong faith in his Lord, his story of Recovery, and yes, the 10% discount.

Last Sunday, while on vacation in St. Paul I got an early morning call informing me that Jeff, a man who has been struggling with his addiction to alcohol, had committed suicide in the graveyard adjacent to his home church in rural Minnesota. I knew Jeff had gotten arrested for a DUI back over the 4^th of July and he had not been in church recently but I did not know things had gotten to the point that they had. Jeff, a retired Army officer was frustrated with life: he couldn't get a job and he couldn't kick his habit. I understand the frustration, one day you are a Major in the Army, the next day you can't get a job making pizza because you are "over qualified." Jeff kept looking for fastballs and life kept throwing him curves.

Tony died un-expectantly from a heart attack, as tragic as that is ministering in such a situation is pretty easy. Jeff died of suicide and there is nothing that is ever easy about ministry under such circumstances. I was honored that the family asked me to lead the prayer service the night before the funeral, and to speak again at the funeral. I asked them to remember Jeff for his love of life and his love of family and not to remember him simply for how he died.

The pastor, a Lutheran and a person in recovery followed up my little talk with announcing that suicide is a sin. Uffda, I am not so sure anymore, and I am not so sure that is true in every circumstance. I also asked myself that while that may be true, is it good pastoral care to proclaim that from the pulpit? I did not know Jeff well but I do not believe he would have committed suicide if he had not have been an out of control alcoholic. Jeff's cause of death should be blamed on his disease of Alcoholism and not by suicide. If Jeff had been able to work the program and find recovery he would be alive today, but he didn't and he's not and I cannot change that. If a person can be loved sober, he would be alive today. His family and friends loved him very much. If a person can be prayed sober he would be alive today, a lot of people were praying that he would find sobriety.

Two young deaths, two different circumstances, one was pretty much unavoidable, the second, well as much as we would like to think it was unavoidable in the end I am not so sure. The Big Book of AA says that some people will never find a way to recovery, and it says that the disease of alcoholism is "cunning and baffling." This week we have experienced the cunning and the baffling side of alcoholism.

Step 3; Making a Decision

I have always had a problem with "Decision Theology." Maybe it is the fact that I have spent most of my life around "Fundies" who continually asked me if "I had decided to follow Jesus" or if I "had a personal relationship with Jesus." The problem with this theology is that after you make such a decision, the folks pushing someone to make such a decision would then set the criteria for which such a person should live. If we had made such a decision we would live by their standards, and I found that almost impossible. My argument against Decision Theology has always been that God has already decided to love us; so for us there is no decision to be made by us. I know, many of you are saying "you have to do something!" We do, we have to be receptive of God's love for us and remember what Luther said in his explanation of the Third Article of the Apostle's Creed, "I cannot by my own reason or strength believe in Jesus Christ." Any attempt to make this belief into a human work is useless. It is through the work of the Holy Spirit, and not by any decision on my part, that I believe.

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him/Her*" is step 3 in the 12 step program of AA. In this understanding of what a decision is I am in full support. A person in the pits of addiction has no understanding of God and God's grace. A person in addiction may acknowledge the existence of God, but that same person plays the role of God. They know what is best for them, they know what is right and they will decide what is right and what is wrong and they will not listen to anyone else's opinion, especially those who are closest to them, the very people they love.

When the person in recovery decides to "turn their will and their lives over to the care of God" is not a statement of salvation, but a statement of recovery! They have broken free from their job at playing God and have come to the conclusion that Gerhard Forde made in his book Where God Meets Man, God is God and we aren't. This is a huge step in the recovery journey, maybe the most difficult. When we have accepted the fact that we are powerless we must fill that void with another power, and that power cannot be us, we are the ones who lost the control in the first place.

The God (also referred to as Higher Power in many AA circles) of our understanding is also critical. At Recovery Worship that God is the God revealed in Jesus Christ. But we also understand that for people new to Recovery Worship that might not be the case. We teach whatever Higher Power is keeping you sober is good, however, and this is important, as you continue on your spiritual journey keep your options open. This is where I see our Lutheran of the Spirit breaks in, the Spirit, working within the church, within the person, moving from an obscure Higher Power to the love that is found in Jesus Christ. They didn't decide to follow Jesus; the Holy Spirit stirred their understanding, hearing words of forgiveness not words of condemnation and the words of the Gospel, led them to believe in Jesus Christ. It works, that is why, I believe, I have done more adult baptisms at Recovery Worship than infant baptisms.

*I have changed this understanding because a large number of women at Recovery Worship struggle with the concept of a loving Father; many of whom were sexually abused by their fathers when they were young. We have been able to free our understanding of how God is revealed to us at Recovery Worship by discarding traditional "God Talk" from our worship service.

See you next week for Step 4

The Journey from Powerless to Higher Power

This summer I am doing a sermon series of the 12 steps of AA. This isn't my first time for doing this; I taught the 12 Steps three years ago when I first came to Recovery Worship. Not being in recovery myself I felt that it would be a great way to learn the steps. I not only preached on each step, I actually did each step, an interesting endeavor.

I always need to remind myself that Dr. Bob, Bill W. and the rest of the group in Akron and New York wrote the Big Book of AA and the 12 steps very early on in the program. Bill W. had only been in recovery 3 years when the project was started, most of the people who helped had only been in recovery a few months.

Step One of AA is "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable." The keyword in this step is powerless. You could, I think, have a life that is unmanageable but still be in control, to be powerless means being out of control, a life in turmoil and a life that is unmanageable. I have a hard time imagining what that must be like! However, to begin this journey of Recovery we have to admit that we are powerless over our addiction. For the alcoholic there is no such thing as the "occasional drink," one drink is too many, 1000 drinks is not enough.

Step Two of AA is "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." I will say right now that believing in a Higher Power means more than simply saying "I believe in Jesus," while that is enough for salvation, that is not enough for sobriety! I have known a lot of drunks who say they believe in Jesus, but it doesn't keep them from drinking. It was wise for Bill W. and Dr. Bob to use the term Higher Power, the drunks of their day, and ours too, had Jesus out their ears from groups like the Salvation Army and the church that tried to reform them out of fear rather than love. Step Two is that first step to a "Spiritual Awakening" that will enable the addicted person to begin the process that will lead them to Step Three. After reading the Big Book I have no doubt that the Higher Power that the writers were talking about is the God of the Old and the New Testament.

The journey from the Powerlessness of Step One to the Higher Power of Step Two is crucial to the addict, without this journey recovery will not be possible.

For those of us who are not addicts, our first step is to accept addiction as a disease and not as a moral weakness. I am still amazed at the number of clergy who tell me that addiction is not a disease that simply with the right amount of "will power" the person can kick the addiction. Philip Hansen in his book "Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired" suggests that when we hear someone make such a statement that we tell them, "The next time you suffer from diarrhea, see how well will power works for you." Amen!

The First Stop on Jesus’ Return

A few years ago I was at a county ministerial meeting held at the home of the local Missouri Synod pastor's home. His wife, who claims to be a direct descendant of C. F. W. Walther (Patriarchal Father of the MO. Synod folks), asked me an interesting question. "If Martin Luther returned from the dead today" she asked, "which branch of Lutheranism do you think he would join?"

I hate stupid questions, and this is a pretty stupid question. So I thought I would give her a pretty sarcastic response. "If Luther came back from the dead today" I said, "I don't think he would join either the Missouri Synod or the ELCA. I think he would be pretty disappointed with both of us." "You take yourself way too seriously and marginalize women. We don't take ourselves seriously enough and He would also be disappointed that we quote him way too much." Needless to say, she didn't like my response.

I often get asked the question, "If Jesus returned today where would be the first place he would go?" Well, for one I am not real sure. A couple years ago I was driving back to Cooperstown, ND from Grand Forks, on a very hot day. Ahead of me, in the middle of the highway was this gleaming white vision, as I drew closer I was able to make out a man with long hair, walking stick in hand, robe flowing in the wind and for a moment I was certain that it was Jesus. As I drove pass he offered a friendly wave, later that night He was on the news, it wasn't Jesus.

So, if Jesus did comeback this coming Sunday morning where would He go? I hear that some of the larger churches, especially the ones downtown, train their ushers on how to divert homeless people from the sanctuary without making a commotion so we can cross off those churches. I would hope that He would be welcomed at Recovery Worship; at least He would get a cup of coffee and someone would offer him a smoke. The LCMC church in town would turn him away because they would think He was gay, the Lutheran Brethren would turn him away because He isn't Norwegian, and the Baptist church would want to baptize him first. (Ok folks, I'm joking so hold the emails)

Where would Jesus go? Well, I think the first place He would go would be to a local bar. I know that He would be welcomed, someone would offer him a beer, He would feel right at home with his followers, "I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me."

How have you welcomed the stranger today?

See you Sunday

Stirring the Pot

When I say "stirring the pot" I mean that I like to occasionally say things that create conversation, it isn't always important that I agree with what I have written, however, I think conversation is healthy. For those of you who follow this blog you probably got here through Facebook, one of my favorite modes of stirring the pot. I love to put links on my page that I know will create conversation, especially between me and my politically active son Allan and daughter Martha. It doesn't take much to get them stirred up.

Last week I read a link that had been posted by one of my favorite seminary professors, Dr. Susan Hedahl. Her link was to an article by Chris Hedges (http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/after_religion_fizzles_were_stuck_with_nietzsche_20100510/). In the article Hedges presents a pretty gloomy prediction for the future of religion, to be specific Christianity. I agree with much of what Hedges observes, by the way. If it was Susan's goal to "stir the pot" she was certainly successful.

In my comment I questioned some of the language that is used in churches today. A church that says it is "Welcoming" but churches seldom are. Two weeks ago while I was at Gettysburg Seminary I heard the following line of welcoming to the Communion Table. "All are welcome to Communion with us today. If you believe in the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist and are baptized, please come forward to communion" or words to that affect. Is that really being welcoming? What, as an example, one of our Full Communion partners whose view of what happens in communion is a bit different than ours is in attendanceI, they would not feel welcome. What if I am a "seeker Christian" someone who has come to accept the teaching of Jesus but have not yet been baptized? I would have to have stayed in my pew, not feeling very welcomed. Anytime we "welcome" people but then add qualifiers (if, or, but) we are not welcoming, it only sounds like we are and that makes us feel good, but does not make someone else feel welcome.

Well my comment received some pretty harsh response from a pastor from Penn. He describes himself as an "Evangelical Catholic" which means he is a Lutheran who really would rather be a Roman Catholic. He suggested that I take a refresher course in the Lutheran Confessions. My question is simply this; does God speak to us today through the Lutheran Confession of the 16th Century? Is it healthy for the church to cling to documents written from a drastically different world view then we have today. When Martin Luther wrote his Small Catechism there were not IPod's, IPad's, Wii or X-Boxes. Most children were born into and were raised in a two parent home. The adults, and children, spent most of their day in heavy labor without the distraction of cable TV or the local Mall to get in the way of their everyday life. The church clergy was made up of men, still mostly single men, and their biggest concern seemed to be the Muslims at the gates of Vienne.

Now, before my Orthodox friends get all excited and start sending me anonymous emails, I am not saying the Lutheran Confessions should be filed away under ancient history. I would like to suggest that we read them through the eyes of the 21^st century, in light of the issues that face us in our world today. Is it really that bad if we welcome everyone to the communion table and risk the chance that an un-baptized person receives the bread and the wine? Isn't worth the risk? I think it is!

 

See you next week.

Storefront Jesus

It has been over three weeks since my last post. I took a couple weeks off for a trip back to Gettysburg Seminary for a continuing education event (which included a pilgrimage to the Yuengling Brewery in Pottsville, PA) a class reunion and an interesting meeting with an ELCA Bishop who is in recovery. While I was in PA Sandy called and told me that her father Dean had died, so I left for Ohio to pick up a few things, and then drove to Memphis for the funeral.

The south is an interesting place. You can't spit without hitting a church. Within a couple of blocks from my step-son's house is a large United Methodist church. Down the road is a large Presbyterian and Episcopalian church. Every strip mall (a bit of an exaggeration but not much) has a church. Tucked between mega churches, like Belleview Baptist Church that looks larger than the Fargo Dome, are small little churches with names like Full Gospel Baptist, Holy Spirit Pentecostal, El-Shadi Tabernacle, and several churches like MB Baptist or MB Pentecostal, not really sure what the MB stand for. I went to a church on Sunday where, one after the other, people stood up and proclaimed how happy they were to belong to the "true church of Jesus" I also watched a lot of local pastors on the public access TV channel make the same proclamation.

I wonder what Jesus' response would be to all of this stuff? People proclaiming to have the "truth" as least as they see it anyway, I think he would walk in and turn over a few tables; it worked in the Temple.

When I retire I am going to move to Memphis, rent some space in a strip mall and start my own church. I will put up a neon sign, "Bishop Ray's Full Recovery Tabernacle." It's my church, might as well be a Bishop. Sandy can sell fried green tomatoes and hush puppies to raise funds and during the week I will play golf. Sounds like a plan.

See you next week; it is really great to be home in Fargo!

 

Pastor Ray

Three and a Wake-Up

 

Everybody needs a little recovery sometimes so on Friday I am going into treatment, treatment in the form of a vacation. I will be heading to Gettysburg for what is billed as a "Continuing Education" event. Along the way I will stop by Luther Seminary (the seminary where the Lutherans who can't get into any other seminary go) for lunch with my good friends Alvin L and Rick F. The hour or two of laughing will go a long way to renewing my brain and heart for this job God has called me to.

Along the way, and the way home, I will stop in Ohio to visit my mom and my daughter, Cathy. In Gettysburg I will pretend to pay attention to the presenter at the lecture, reconnect with classmates (10 year class reunion) laugh some more and take a drive or two around the battlefield. Next Tuesday we will take a "Pilgrimage of Remembrance" up to Pottsville, PA and visit the Yuengling Brewery, "Americas Oldest Brewery." Rumor has it that they have had to cut back on production since the graduation of the 2000 class from LTSG but I think that is just a rumor.

This will be Sandy's and my first separate vacation. She will be heading to Memphis later in the month (after preaching at Recovery next week) to visit her Mom & Dad, Greg, Halley, Neely, Ella and the new grand-daughter, Avery. Seems she would rather do that than sit around with a bunch of pastors, can't imagine why.

I will return in two weeks, refreshed and ready to face the summer. When I return I will be starting a sermon series on the Twelve-Steps. I have not done this since my first summer at Recovery Worship; it will be interesting to see how I have changed my approach to recovery since that first summer.

In the past when I have left on vacation I could not get out of town fast enough, this time I leave with hesitation. Not that I am not looking forward to vacation, I am, and not that I don't need a break, I do. I will miss Sunday morning at Recovery Worship. I will miss the laughter, the hugs and the hand shakes. I will miss Sunny's smile and the kids crawling around on the floor during worship. I will also miss Stephanie's and Susan's chatting during my sermon.

I will also miss the adult baptisms! Three in the last three weeks, as I said in church on Sunday, I am starting to feel like a Baptist!

 

See you all when I get home.

Recovery, a Celebration of Easter Every Day

Another Easter Sunday is rapidly approaching. A funeral yesterday, it wouldn't be Holy Week without a funeral. It was my first Native American funeral, very moving and I will write about it more in the future. But today I look forward to finishing up the services for the week. Maundy Thursday and Good Friday are in the can, so to speak. "Come As You Are" Saturday service, Easter Vigil and Sunday services are floating around in my brain but haven't made it to my fingertips yet. It will come, just hope it comes quickly.

As I think about Easter I am beginning to ask the question "why"? Don't we celebrate Easter every Sunday? Why don't we proclaim "Christ is risen" at the beginning of every worship service throughout the year? I do think it is important to set aside Maundy Thursday and Good Friday for special services. But Christ is the reason life is won, death has been defeated. Because of Easter we are all risen.

I know that we already celebrate Easter every Sunday, but as I prepare for this Sunday I am struck that this is nowhere more evident than at Recovery Worship.

Every Sunday at Recovery Worship we hear individual "Resurrection Stories." Stories of people's resurrection from addiction to a new life of recovery, incredible stories of living a life while dead, held in their living graves by their addiction; stories of broken families, broken relationships with children, friends, and with God. Not everyone will find their personnel resurrection from their addiction, as a friend reminds me on a regular basis, "Cemetery's are full of people who have failed to find recovery."

So this Sunday we will do the religious thing. The altar and the cross will be draped in white, banner will be hung, and everyone, for this one Sunday, will be dressed up and we will proclaim "Christ is Risen." As we proclaim Christ risen we will also remember that this one great event in the history of the world now gives us the ability to proclaim our own resurrection, a resurrection into a new life of Christ, a life of recovery from all the addiction and hardships of life. This Sunday and every Sunday we can proclaim "Christ is Risen" but we can also proclaim, "Stan is Risen," "Bill is Risen," "Joni is Risen," "Kathy is Risen"; risen to a new life in recovery, and a new life in Christ.

See you Sunday, thanks for stopping by.

Pastor Ray

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Back in December, a closed meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous started at Recovery Worship. When a meeting is listed as closed, you need to be an alcoholic to attend. I felt honored that this group, made up mostly of people who attend Recovery Worship invited me to attend.

At the first meeting, following the traditional sharing of the Serenity Prayer and first names, we listened to a tape lecture on the First Step, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. The lecture was given by a gentleman, Phil Hansen. I read with interest the short bio on the back of the case. Ordained in 1951 Hansen was a Lutheran pastor in Minnesota. At some point in his career he was a chaplain at the famous Hazelden Center. He was also hired to set up a treatment center in a hospital in Minneapolis. As I listened to the tape I felt myself wanting to know more about this man. I assumed he was in recovery, his knowledge of the 12 steps and addiction was impressive.

Following the meeting I went to a Christmas party of a group of pastors, mostly retired, that I have breakfast with every Friday morning. As we were sitting around the table shooting the bull I asked, "Does anyone here know of a pastor named Phil Hansen?" It was pretty much unanimous, everyone knew him. One of the pastors said, "I was in the room across from him at college." Trying to be funny I said, "So you were the reason he was an alcoholic?" Right away Vid, one of the pastors said, he wasn't an alcoholic! Wow I thought, another pastor who works with people in recovery. I had to find a way to meet him. As we talked, I found out that Pastor Hansen had died several years ago. But Vid mentioned that Hansen had written a couple of books so the next day I searched the shelves of Lost and Found Ministry and found his stack.

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired was the first book of his that I read. It is a small book, but it is a good book on alcoholism. In the book Hansen weaves his story with the Parable of the Prodigal Son, which he says, is a story of alcoholism. The Son in the parable is an alcoholic. Hansen calls Alcoholism an "addiction of abundance." In order to maintain one's drinking, you need money and you need it abundantly, focusing on where the money will come from for your next drink. The son withdraws his inheritance from his father and strikes out into the world, a world of drinking and self abuse. The father, says Hansen, had probably done what most parents of alcoholics have done: bailed him out, got him help and loved him a little too much. Now he was ready to do the tough love part, let the son go.

Well we all know the story, the son eventually hits rock bottom, sleeping with the pigs. In the closing scene the father is running down the lane to embrace his son; a scene many fathers and mothers, wives and husbands dream of for their alcoholic family member.

Unfortunately Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired is no longer in print. A few used copies can be found on Amazon or EBay but this is a book that needs to be in print. If you have a loved one in addiction, read it! If you are in addiction, read it! If you are in recovery, read it!

Glad you are here, see you next Sunday.